For a relationship to work, two components are needed: physical and psychological attraction and admiration, according to psychiatrist Marian Rojas Estapé, an expert in family therapy, who describes the keys to maintaining these elements, caring for and pampering the relationship, from most idyllic and easy to the most complex
“Why are there people who inspire us with confidence and whose mere presence comforts us? Is about ‘vitamin people’, those that bring out the best in you, inspire you, support you and thereby improve your immune system”, says psychiatrist Marian Rojas Estapé.
“Vitamin people help relieve tension, whose well-given hug can help us get through a tough time, whose trusting gaze can decisively propel us through a difficult challenge, and whose words of encouragement can break a sense of isolation,”
according to this renowned psychiatrist and writer.
The Dr. Rojas Estape (Madrid, Spain, 1983) works at the Spanish Institute for Psychiatric Research (IEIP).
She is a visiting professor at the IPADE business school in Mexico and focuses on treating people with anxiety, depression, personality disorders, behavioral disorders, as well as family therapies.
She is the author of the book ‘How to make good things happen to you’, one of the best sellers in 2019 and has recently published ‘Find your vitamin person’, where analyzes the close relationship between our happiness and our good relationships with those around us.
We are designed to live in family and in society, to relate and love each other. Human relationships make us stronger or weaker or can make us feel vulnerable.
Much of the quality of our life depends on how we relate, how we are able to love and receive the affection of others, he points out.
And the couple is one of the fundamental relationships of our lives, according to this expert, for whom “love, passion, attraction, desire, romanticism are different phases and moments of the relationship between two people where a bond is generated affective, physical or of a special partner”.
A relationship in permanent evolution
«Starting from the basis that we have correctly chosen our partner for a relationship and we are with a person who suits us, we can improve the chances of success of the relationship«, indicates the specialist.
“Enhance them beyond the initial crush, and transform them into a ‘vitamin partner’, who, like ‘vitamin people’, is a source of personal growth, confidence, inspiration, support and health,” he adds.
“For a relationship to work, two components are needed: physical and psychological attraction and admiration”,
According to Rojas Estapé.
He explains that a couple evolves through the thousand ups and downs of life, but for the glue that holds affection together to continue to exist, “it is necessary that these elements be maintained or continue to be promoted.”
Add this psychiatrist who couples have a natural and logical evolution that is not always accepted and «sometimes it leads to a point of discomfort, due to natural wear and tear. At that time it is convenient to take back the reins and make an effort to fight for the other.
«We need to look at each other again and say ‘we love each other, we understand each other, we want this to continue but we have worn ourselves out. We have become people who sometimes make us suffer instead of making us happy.”
points out.
“To preserve a relationship, from the most idyllic and easy to the most complex, we must want to take care of it and want to pamper it,” he emphasizes.
«The success of a relationship lies in how well both members know how to get out of conflicts. In generosity in giving and forgiving and in how they communicate with each other«, according to Rojas Estapé.
The expert describes four keys that in moments of difficulties in the couple can help us discover if we are neglecting any of the pillars of healthy love.
The four pillars of a couple that works
1. Work on communication.
This expert recommends paying attention to how we speak, communicate and express what we feel.
He advises avoiding “taking out the list of past grievances and wounds.”
He warns that in anger, the brain brings to light the blows, wounds, damages, offenses, slights and contempt that the other person has done to us.
“One needs to transmit and express their pain and anger for so many bad times.”
In those moments “watch your words, since they have a direct impact on the other person, on you and on the consolidation of the relationship”.
2. Analyze your sensitivity.
How do things affect you? Do you give a second thought to any negative comments? Do you suffer disproportionately in the face of a bad face or an insignificant fact?» asks this psychiatrist.
He recommends giving the things that happen to us the value they truly have: “advice that will help us in all matters of life,” he says.
3. Beware of the imagination.
«90% of the things we worry about never happen. They are not real, they are the product of the imagination, but they have a direct impact on our body », she warns.
«I’m sure he likes someone else», «he ignores me», «he doesn’t care about the children», «he will forget the date of our anniversary», «he doesn’t want to be with me, he prefers to be with his friends»,
These are some examples of toxic and harmful internal dialogues, according to the expert.
That is why he recommends to the members of a couple that, when they are well, in a peaceful moment of the relationship, write a letter or a note on your mobile describing everything that moves you to continue with the other person”.
In the bad stages, rereading that document will become a balm for the mind “that reminds us of how good the other is and keeps us away from negative thoughts,” he proposes.
4. Pay attention to details.
“Love is nourished by details”, points out this psychiatrist who advises to show our love and affection through messagescaresses, pampering, delicacy and hugs.
«Showing what we feel, through a culinary detail, some flowers, a note on the bed, an emoticon, a surprise, a moment of calm and peace together in an unexpected place or a pleasant conversation, are food for the relationship» ,
stands out.
«The one who does not know how to express affection may have a problem maintaining the relationship. If you notice that it is something you do not like or it is difficult for you, he asks for help, reads about it or talks to someone close. Surely little by little you can overcome that barrier », she concludes.
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