In the era of social networks, in which there are many people, and especially the youngest, but also adults, who desperately seek the approval of others or feel intimidated when it comes to showing themselves as they are, makes it more necessary than ever to advance in self-confidence and self-affirmation
This is defended by the clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive therapy, walter riso in his latest book “The Courage to be Who You Are (even if you don’t like it)” (Planeta), in which he encourages his readers to “psychological insubordination” against those precepts and mandates that “prevent you from being yourself”.
In an interview with EFEsalud, Riso explains that the dependence on others and the thoughtless compliance with any mandate enslaves and corrupts from within.
“No matter what social conventions and role models who want to correct your
behavior at all costs: when it comes to you, and therefore you are the one who has the last word”.
And although the anxiety that this struggle for self-confidence and self-affirmation may cause “makes you tremble from head to toe, let your motto be: I am the one who decides about me, period.”
In the specific case of adolescents trapped by the groups and fashions of the networks that they follow, the psychologist considers that they greatly impede the construction of the self, because they do not allow the different to enter, and it is precisely in the opposite that one grows.
Walter Riso’s proposal is that people free themselves from the areas of sociocultural indoctrination (ties) that, according to his experience as a clinical psychologist, are a machine for generating insecure people who are afraid of being themselves.
The first way to mold and train the mind, he says, has to do with everything that makes self-knowledge difficult for us.
In your opinion, we are more oriented towards what happens abroad than towards what happens in
our interior, which promotes ignorance of oneself and advocates turning towards self-observation and opposing any attempt to hijack your “I” and reify it.
He also recommends locating yourself in your personal history and activating your autobiographical memory, because “you can’t know who you are if you don’t know where you come from.”
You have to know who your grandparents were, what you know about your great-grandparents, who your father and mother are, if you know them thoroughly or at least have tried to get into their shoes, into their problems, into their intimacy…
It is also important, according to the psychologist, to review childhood since you can remember it. Review how you have grown, the bonds you have established with friends and family.
And declare that no one can affect your inner freedom if you do not allow it.
“There is an inner freedom that belongs to you, that occurs in the reduced and exclusive space of your intimacy, where no one has an entrance, except you, and there is no to be like the majority: defend and reaffirm your uniqueness”.
Regarding this, Walter Riso points out the importance of not acquiring a mass mentality and opposing any attempt to belittle, ignore or modify your personal identity.
Fears that block change
The First It arises when individuals do not believe that they will be able to adapt to the new, because they consider that they do not have the qualities or skills required to face what awaits them.
The second has to do with social disapproval, in the sense that if someone changes their style
Staff will mark you as weird, misfit, or crazy.
And the third, It comes from thinking that the entrance of the new will profoundly affect the meaning of your life, because the beliefs and customs you have define it in a radical way.
“Generally – he points out about the latter – this fear arises “from dogmatic and fanatical minds, to whom the mere word change produces terror, since they do not conceive that their schemes can be questioned”.
Walter Riso: advancing self-confidence
Among other advice and recommendations, walter riso explains in four steps how to advance in self-confidence:
1.- Every morning, don’t say another day to endure, but another day to overcome myself… “If reality is hard, you have to reinforce the self…”
2.- Review your goals. “They have hung a sign on you or you have hung it on yourself… you have to look for sensible objectives and manage intelligent aspirations that demand you without destroying you…”
3.- Eliminate once and for all the negative automatic thoughts about your abilities… “The true disappointment about oneself arises when the objectives you pursue are not attempted..”
4.- Do not insist on remembering the bad. ..”Memory can be very cruel if you only feed it on the times when it has gone wrong…”
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